Broken Hearts and Deployment let-down

My ex-boyfriend and I have been on and off again for 2 years now. It's weird to think it's been that long because we have spent maybe a total of a month of time around each other. Military relationships are hard but I committed to him both times we tried. The first time things were exciting and new... but hard because of the distance. Come to find out... he wasn't looking for anything long-term or serious... so when things fizzled and the distance became too much; he broke up with me. The sad part is... it was through a single text message; while he was on his way home for block leave.

A few months of no communication; we began to talk again and I came up for Marine Corps Ball in Myrtle Beach. It wasn't the weekend that I expected but by the end of it; we were all about each other again and I was happy and confused. I came home and the next time I saw him; I was able to call him mine again. About a month later; I was saying goodbye to him on New Years Eve. 12:05 January 1st, 2009... his bus pulled off and my heart hit the floor. I drove home a total of 11 hours and the next day I was sick. Exhaustion, emotional distress, allergies, etc etc... lead to a fun case of strep throat, upper respritory infection,and a full blown sinus infection.

One week of worrying later... he was in Iraq and settling in. I missed him but I was used to missing him.

Months went by; I sent care package after care package... things were the same as usual. We were happy.

Than things changed... he began to fall out of love and I battled to stay strong with him so far away.

A month short of his R&R... we broke up. I was okay... than I wasn't... than I was. He came home and I didn't see him. He spent his R&R with another girl; one that he had been talking to for a while now... while I was left in the dark; still holding on. My heart broke again and than I was okay.

He finished his deployment and came home. I knew it and was happy he made it back safely... pissed... and not wanting to see him. A while passes and there he is... standing there. My heart sinks... I'm with someone new now.

He's back; wanting me. Still loving me... what do I do?
He says he will wait for me... but he's going to wait for me in hopes that I will wait for him. He's deploying again... to Afghanistan.

Im torn.
Im sad.
Im happy.
Im conflicted.

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