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I was still a kid when i had my first boyfriend. worst boyfriend i've ever had. he had blond hair and blue eyes. i had short hair at the time. we had been going out for a year and a half. in the middle of the school year, a new girl with beautiful dark skin (not black, but darkish, like she had a built in tan) and long black hair transfered in. she acted so sweet and innocent. she pretending to hate her beautiful skin color. she was nice …

I wasn't ready for the love of my life. We met at University and she taught me about who I am and never let me getaway with anything. No self-pity, no half-baked ideas, no unquestioned beliefs. She kept me honest and she loved me for me and I let her go.

Why is the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

I have come to the belief that there is no one perfect person for everyone. Rather, there are lots of people …

My ex never felt what I felt. She never drove by my house to see if there was a light on. She never called me because she saw a star. She never took the time to watch me change with the seasons, and stay the same like the wooden bench in the park.
She didnt cry when she let me go, she didnt cry when I walked away.
She wouldnt cry if she read this.
But she wont read this.

Tomorrow is my b-day, so it’s an opportunity to think about what’s happened to me in the past year. I have a high libido, but, early last year I realized that my sons were having more sex than me. I had long since stopped brushing up against strangers and was waiting to have copious amounts of sex with the right partner. I wasn’t meeting interesting women at chicken breast counters at Albertson’s or at internet cafes. I needed to make a change. So I bought …

I was living in a rundown, one hundred an twenty dollars a month, rooming house in downtown Gallipolis, Ohio. It was three stories of constant madness that heightened on the first of the month while becoming very brutal towards the end of each month. I was collecting an honest, bi-weekly, unemployment check. That, I believed, made me better, and somehow kept me a half a step in front of surrounding pack who waited on the mail lady for their means. You see, I had chased a girl from the grey …

There’s a scene that plays repeatedly inside my head. It’s one of a handful of evening we shared while he knew our fate and I still didn’t.

I am sitting on the couch doing a crossword. He is up and about the apartment doing something with his new electronics. They have slowly replaced me. One by one, they have slowly replaced us: the flat screen, the surround sound, the DVR, the wireless, …

Once a cheater, always a cheater. All the way to dry humping with a girl. Took a break. He took advantage of that. All the way to true humping.

On my first offical date with my ex, we went to a gay bar with one of his friends. He said it was a fun place and that we would have a good time. I thought it was weird - but then - maybe I was being a bit uptight. Anything is possible.

Anyway, he was nice and we had fun - then we went back to my place and had sex. One week later, we were engaged - then one month later - we were married.

During …

I was 24 years old and could honestly say that I had never been in love, I had been pretty close once but he shattered my faith in him long before I had managed to succumb. But nevertheless we had a baby together. Three long years passed and I felt very alone, but very busy. My daughter filled the space that I felt and I had a couple of boyfriends that fluttered in and out of my life. I had decided with much certainty that I …

I have an ex. doesn't everyone?

When I was feeling particularly mentally unstable I'd tell my ex boyfriend he resembled Shrek. He kind of did, looking back; both are hulking, grinning, idiots with bulbous noses and bushy eyebrows. The only difference (besides the green coloring) was my ex waxed, plucked and trimmed his eyebrows. In the beginning it was all love, and very little lust. I'm not very sexual, and he wasn't very aesthetically pleasing but he made me feel safe, and he was a great painter and since we were both jobless (I often …

When the divorce papers were signed I naively thought that was the end of my relationship with my ex husband, but that was just the beginning of a new stage of our life together. At the time, I was living in Boston and my ex had taken off for Los Angeles -- the call of the celluloid. I was left with our five-year old son, a mortgage, and no family to swing shift so that I could have a few free hours. I decided to move to Boston …

I've got exes all over. You've just become one. Some come to me like a song for strange reasons I never try to figure out. A smell maybe. Right now, the first that comes to mind is the cheerleader who gave me a footjob on the bus on the way back from a hockey game in Woonsocket. She ended up writing poems about us and shoving them into the slots of my locker door. Thinking of lockers reminds me of Laurinda, who broke up …

The first time I woke up next to a woman was in a hotel bed. It was dawn, faint light eking in along the edges of the thick hotel curtains. She was asleep, her body on the edge of illumination. The previous morning, like all the times in my life I had slept with a lover, dawn revealed a man next to me. Now here lay a woman, fleshy arm, shadowy dimples on her thigh, press of breast against the pillow. This contrast was made …

Mr. Codderman* will tell you himself, as he has often told me and others, about his children; while he considers nearly every decent human being in the world to be family, he biologically has only two children: "one Girl and one Idiot."

Mr. Codderman's Girl is a sweetheart, large and soft and childish, though she's older than I am. She'd had a boyfriend who was a good man. Patient, respectful of her wish to "wait until marriage," sweet, faithful, etc. She was with him for two and a half …

I ran into my ex on the street while I was with my AA sponsor, with whom I had just exited a meeting. I had not seen ex in years. It had only been a few months since I’d had fifty drinks, so I was still hoping never to see anyone I knew within five blocks of an AA meeting. My ex had been a ball and chain secured to an anvil chained to a brass tree connected to the core of the earth. But I had managed to give …

I left Tucson because I was broke, and because the man I loved didn’t want to live with me. He wasn’t ready, he said. It didn’t feel right. We should be happier. He was right, of course, but that didn’t solve anything. I was still unemployed, recovering from an ear infection and a car accident. The relentless sun still seeped through the walls of my cottage, a mile from the road and surrounded by overgrown creosote. My idea of happiness was not to wake up everyday, hair grown out and …

My ex became my ex when he went on a short trip to Stockholm and met the love of his life in a coat check line at a club. Within 24 hours they swore life-long allegiance, and my ex returned home to tell me the news. My response: whaaa???

Amazingly enough they maintained a long-distance intercontinental relationship for five years until my ex could get the appropriate papers to leave America behind and become a Swedish citizen….and they lived happily ever after.

Lesson: there really is such a …

I was in dire straits. I was working construction and had to lug my tools up the hilly streets of San Francisco as fast as possible, which was rough given my condition (I had to take the biggest crap known to man). I was cruising past my van near my apartment when I noticed not only the street cleaning ticket, but a small package tucked under my windshield wiper. My heart just about hit the floor as I noticed the cutesy hand stamped writing that could only be from one …

Nothing worse than being the original breakup-er and then turning yourself into the breakup-ee. Lately, every time I bang my head against the wall I remind myself that the subsequent pain on my skull is just as much my fault as the heartwrenching, nausea-inducing, weepy-eyed, frustrated and scared feeling I have daily. What a total a-hole I am for ever thinking my ex, the same guy I broke up with for rational and legitimate reasons (he’s an irresponsible child with minimal ambition), should ever be the same person worthy of …
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