Tomorrow is my b-day, so itâ€™s an opportunity to think about whatâ€™s happened to me in the past year. I have a high libido, but, early last year I realized that my sons were having more sex than me. I had long since stopped brushing up against strangers and was waiting to have copious amounts of sex with the right partner. I wasnâ€™t meeting interesting women at chicken breast counters at Albertsonâ€™s or at internet cafes. I needed to make a change. So I bought … Read more »
I was living in a rundown, one hundred an twenty dollars a month, rooming house in downtown Gallipolis, Ohio. It was three stories of constant madness that heightened on the first of the month while becoming very brutal towards the end of each month. I was collecting an honest, bi-weekly, unemployment check. That, I believed, made me better, and somehow kept me a half a step in front of surrounding pack who waited on the mail lady for their means. You see, I had chased a girl from the grey … Read more »
Thereâ€™s a scene that plays repeatedly inside my head. Itâ€™s one of a handful of evening we shared while he knew our fate and I still didnâ€™t.
I am sitting on the couch doing a crossword. He is up and about the apartment doing something with his new electronics. They have slowly replaced me. One by one, they have slowly replaced us: the flat screen, the surround sound, the DVR, the wireless, … Read more »
Once a cheater, always a cheater. All the way to dry humping with a girl. Took a break. He took advantage of that. All the way to true humping.
On my first offical date with my ex, we went to a gay bar with one of his friends. He said it was a fun place and that we would have a good time. I thought it was weird - but then - maybe I was being a bit uptight. Anything is possible.
Anyway, he was nice and we had fun - then we went back to my place and had sex. One week later, we were engaged - then one month later - we were married.
During … Read more »
I was 24 years old and could honestly say that I had never been in love, I had been pretty close once but he shattered my faith in him long before I had managed to succumb. But nevertheless we had a baby together. Three long years passed and I felt very alone, but very busy. My daughter filled the space that I felt and I had a couple of boyfriends that fluttered in and out of my life. I had decided with much certainty that I … Read more »
I have an ex. doesn't everyone?
When I was feeling particularly mentally unstable I'd tell my ex boyfriend he resembled Shrek. He kind of did, looking back; both are hulking, grinning, idiots with bulbous noses and bushy eyebrows. The only difference (besides the green coloring) was my ex waxed, plucked and trimmed his eyebrows. In the beginning it was all love, and very little lust. I'm not very sexual, and he wasn't very aesthetically pleasing but he made me feel safe, and he was a great painter and since we were both jobless (I often … Read more »
When the divorce papers were signed I naively thought that was the end of my relationship with my ex husband, but that was just the beginning of a new stage of our life together. At the time, I was living in Boston and my ex had taken off for Los Angeles -- the call of the celluloid. I was left with our five-year old son, a mortgage, and no family to swing shift so that I could have a few free hours. I decided to move to Boston … Read more »
I've got exes all over. You've just become one. Some come to me like a song for strange reasons I never try to figure out. A smell maybe. Right now, the first that comes to mind is the cheerleader who gave me a footjob on the bus on the way back from a hockey game in Woonsocket. She ended up writing poems about us and shoving them into the slots of my locker door. Thinking of lockers reminds me of Laurinda, who broke up … Read more »
The first time I woke up next to a woman was in a hotel bed. It was dawn, faint light eking in along the edges of the thick hotel curtains. She was asleep, her body on the edge of illumination. The previous morning, like all the times in my life I had slept with a lover, dawn revealed a man next to me. Now here lay a woman, fleshy arm, shadowy dimples on her thigh, press of breast against the pillow. This contrast was made … Read more »
Mr. Codderman* will tell you himself, as he has often told me and others, about his children; while he considers nearly every decent human being in the world to be family, he biologically has only two children: "one Girl and one Idiot."
Mr. Codderman's Girl is a sweetheart, large and soft and childish, though she's older than I am. She'd had a boyfriend who was a good man. Patient, respectful of her wish to "wait until marriage," sweet, faithful, etc. She was with him for two and a half … Read more »
I ran into my ex on the street while I was with my AA sponsor, with whom I had just exited a meeting. I had not seen ex in years. It had only been a few months since Iâ€™d had fifty drinks, so I was still hoping never to see anyone I knew within five blocks of an AA meeting. My ex had been a ball and chain secured to an anvil chained to a brass tree connected to the core of the earth. But I had managed to give … Read more »
I left Tucson because I was broke, and because the man I loved didnâ€™t want to live with me. He wasnâ€™t ready, he said. It didnâ€™t feel right. We should be happier. He was right, of course, but that didnâ€™t solve anything. I was still unemployed, recovering from an ear infection and a car accident. The relentless sun still seeped through the walls of my cottage, a mile from the road and surrounded by overgrown creosote. My idea of happiness was not to wake up everyday, hair grown out and … Read more »
My ex became my ex when he went on a short trip to Stockholm and met the love of his life in a coat check line at a club. Within 24 hours they swore life-long allegiance, and my ex returned home to tell me the news. My response: whaaa???
Amazingly enough they maintained a long-distance intercontinental relationship for five years until my ex could get the appropriate papers to leave America behind and become a Swedish citizenâ€¦.and they lived happily ever after.
Lesson: there really is such a … Read more »
I was in dire straits. I was working construction and had to lug my tools up the hilly streets of San Francisco as fast as possible, which was rough given my condition (I had to take the biggest crap known to man). I was cruising past my van near my apartment when I noticed not only the street cleaning ticket, but a small package tucked under my windshield wiper. My heart just about hit the floor as I noticed the cutesy hand stamped writing that could only be from one … Read more »
Nothing worse than being the original breakup-er and then turning yourself into the breakup-ee. Lately, every time I bang my head against the wall I remind myself that the subsequent pain on my skull is just as much my fault as the heartwrenching, nausea-inducing, weepy-eyed, frustrated and scared feeling I have daily. What a total a-hole I am for ever thinking my ex, the same guy I broke up with for rational and legitimate reasons (heâ€™s an irresponsible child with minimal ambition), should ever be the same person worthy of … Read more »
No one has a better "ex-story" than I do. Believe me, I have seen, done, and dated it all. The thing that brings me to write something regarding this subject is no matter how we label those individuals whom we previously dated, they will always remain someone who has touched our hearts and left an imprint on our abilities to love. Now, I don't mean the one person you went on a few dates with and imagined yourself having kids with. I am talking about the love, in which you … Read more »
There is a moment in all failing relationships when you know things wonâ€™t last. For me, that moment was the donut-cheeseburger.
After two and a half years, I was slowly coming to accept that things were stalled. I wanted more, I wanted to change the past, I wanted things that were never going to happen. I wanted to drag things out as long as possible.
And then there was the BBQ.
BBQâ€™s in San Francisco are different. Owing to the cold and fog, many of our BBQs … Read more »
Have you ever seen those couples who look so unbelievably, so shockingly, so fuckingly sad? Not in the way that implies theyâ€™re unhappy or frustrated or even unfulfilled with one another. But more in that way that resembles a heavy mood dripping down the bothâ€”the jointedâ€”of them, from top to bottom, in to out. As if they are mourning the birth of the great true love they are right in the middle of. They are so close and so on, and so on, they just canâ€™t stand it anymore.
Read more »
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