My ex fiance

Was the man I should have married.

The Ex

"You would be perfect,
If you were just not quite yourself"
We say in unison
face to face
armed to the hilt with subjective logic
standing on moral ground
I miss the idea of you
lingering in my mind
a half formed thought
sometimes if I sit still enough
I can still feel the concept
of the perfection of our connection
but when I blink all is lost in the reality of humanity
the flawed indifference
or perhaps
the decisive defiance
the images that I once held
Read more »

Forever

I promised her forever, and she promised the same. Turns out, all I got was a forever wondering how it could be so easy for her to walk out on me, a forever hoping she would realize her mistake, and thankfully, a forever knowing that her walking out was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've never been happier. I just wish I could thank her.....and possibly get that ring back.

I knew I'd screw it up

Chapter I
I loved him, loved him more than I ever have or ever will love anyone. He didn't care that I lived in a trailer, didn't care I was living in poverty with my Mother and 5 siblings, didn't care I would never be able to give him my most prized possession,my virginity and not because I didn't want to but, because at the tender age of nine an Uncle decided to take it for him. It's strange how we oversee the obvious when love tugs at … Read more »

My Ex: In Haiku Form

He stands, a brown fir

Who used to be green, frost came

sight unseen, limber

.


It's cold and colder

still, my love's a loveless chill

My heart yells timber.

Sex and the Single Bed

Unless you have mad cash, chances are that you’re living in a pretty small space, maybe even one room, and getting on each other’s nerves. Take my marriage. We shared a duplex with a lease in my name. The bedroom was up top and overlooked the living room. That meant no privacy. Aside from my ex-husband’s violent temper, lack of motivation and pot-smoking, the fact that we were constantly in each other’s way drove us both mad.

One night we took hammers to each other’s computers. When I … Read more »

Once upon a wonderful crued Awakening.

Wish he wasn't an ex

I'm an atheist
He's a Christian
We were in love
didn't want it to end

The night he told me
he could never marry me
I cried and
kissed him for the last time

First kisses stop the heart
Last kisses burn the skin.

He Drove Like One Too

He was a beautiful asshole. Everything he said was funny. Living with him was like listening to some sort of social commentary newscast 24/7 but with real-live cigarettes to set the mood. He never said "hate" or even "don't like" but he'd tell anyone who'd listen (and nobody had a chance since he talked so loud) how much he didn't care for strawberry ice cream or Chesterfield county.

Douglas Adams once wrote that humans have to keep their mouths moving or their brains start working. When he, that … Read more »

Heaven sent, I don't think so.

It was a couple of days before Thanksgiving. I thought I had found a man that was sent from heaven as an answer to my prayers. He even said the same thing. I can bet the day I prayed that prayer, God had taken the day off and left someone else in charge. I met the man I would eventually marry outside my apartment. I was going to let my dog out, and before I realized it, she slipped out. He was across the street talking to someone else and … Read more »

DproFeHeNxrmHI

S5lPEc fdasjhgadghi hdagh iao hiasoh fgiash isafohsa.

Tropical Storm Samantha

When I broke up with her, it was over the phone, pathetically, two thousand miles away from her, my brain two hundred feet down a well. I explained, as sincerely as I could manage: It wasn't her; it was me; not her fault I was breaking up with her because of somebody else's dream.

Let me explain. We dated for the latter half of our sophomore year of college: The whirling, wild-haired beauty, half sorority girl and half hippie and me (experimental, uncertain, struggling to reconcile … Read more »

From 7-Eleven to 24-Seven

The finality of it is starting to really hit me. I'm weighed down with the knowledge that the situation has gotten beyond us. Now judges, lawyers, and government agencies have gotten involved, and a simple fix has become impossible.

I can't even talk to the person who at one time had been my closest friend. I can't write her. The sight of the letter I wrote her in the hands of her lawyer made my heart sink in a way I can't even begin to describe. The feeling … Read more »

Just an old habit.

I have always been so successful at worming my way out of commitments that breakups rarely come into the picture. Instead, those conventional tragedies have been historically replaced by an ugly conglomerate of crying jags, ill-timed proclamations of love, and straight swigs from the nearest bottle of time-travel juice. The sins are equally divided between myself and my victims. Minor crimes that resonate like felonies.

My last breakup, being the end of an _actual_ relationship, surprised me by being even more tortuous and dramatic than those … Read more »

The Magician

I once dated a second rate magician/actor who sometimes filled in for Santa.

To him I say: Thank you for justifying my irrational teenage angst. I finally have a good reason to hate the world.

But anyway that was then and I am happy now which is more than can be said for him.

What hasn't been said.

Sometimes.
Always.
Never.
Ever.
Again.

I keep taking him back.

He’s beautiful, but differently than he was when he first tempted me in to his house of cards. He’s still muscular, but not strong; still immature, but not young; still sad, but not lonely; still quiet, but no longer honest. The other girls in his life still turn to me for advice, even though we haven’t had a real conversation in months. It feels like years.
He’s changed; and I can’t help wondering if I changed him. After … Read more »

the three missing things

[lower case for speed, not affectation]

i asked him what were the big things that had been missing from our marriage. after he was already leaving us. i just wanted to know. i was asking for the deep empty places in the spirit that i'd failed to nourish.
his answer:

1 "better clothes." ok, go on.
2 "better cars." right, what else?
3 "better … Read more »

"...everything good is eventually gone."

We didn't mean to do it. Two years knowing each other without the slightest hint of anything more than friendship, but there we were, naked on the office floor having the best sex of our lives. Well, at least my life. We sort of just fell in to it, this love thing. Like the gallon of ice cream that sits in the freezer unopened. You know it's there and no one is eating it. You look at it long enough and soon come to … Read more »

"What the fuck just happened?" kept going through my mind.

It's true that we'd decided to think about our relationship, and that we weren't as close as we'd once been. Not that we'd ever had that super fuck spark. You know the one. The first few weeks of a relationship where you can't keep your hands off of each other? Maybe that was the first clue. Too bad we both missed it about four years ago...

She claimed I didn't find … Read more »

Died. Without Knowing I Loved Him.