I love boats. But I get seasick. In my excitement to experience boats, I often forget about the seasickness until I’m on deck, heading out to sea. Then my stomach begins to roil. I blame this nautical amnesia for the fix I found myself in many years ago taking a ferry from Bar Harbor, Maine to Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. I was so queasy I had forgotten I was crossing a border into another country, and that meant a customs inspection. When we disembarked, an officer pulled me out of line … Read more »

Crappy Ex

I had a very serious boyfriend for two years. Then we broke up. Then a few months later we sort of got back together. On a trip to Paris a couple months later, I experienced the lethal combo of too many drinks, a dark club full of English speaking Europeans in their 20s, and a very hot Irishman whose travels to America only included Las Vegas. My ex-boyfriend and I, 3,000 miles apart, had yet to declare we were officially back together by then, so I didn’t think of it … Read more »

I have loved Steven since we were both 16, over half my life. He was tan, dashing, barrel-chested like a 5’s movie star — even in high school — with this warm, Kennedy grin. I was a semi-goth, chain-smoking drama-geek, but our worlds intertwined when we were both cast in _A Midsummer Night’s Dream._

He played Lysander— the dashing, romantic lead. I played Mustardseed, also called Fairy #4. In the play, Lysander falls madly in love with Helena. In rehearsal, Steven fell madly in love with Jennifer Kaiser, who … Read more »

I Should Have Stayed Away

Even in the most platonic of relationships, it's common courtesy to throw each other the bone of mild flirtation now and then. A little wink or a nudge to say, "It's not going to happen in this lifetime, but we're a male and a female here, and in another reality, we'd be smoking hot."

I should have stayed away. I should have fled into the arms of the nearest fraternity brother the moment he mentioned his undying devotion to his girlfriend back home. Does anybody ever do that, especially … Read more »

Love is a Dog From Hell

I met my ex at a dog training class. It wasn't his dog. It was his older sister's and she left it locked in their mother's house for three days without food or water. She trashed the house and never came back. So his mom took the dog and he just came along to dog training class because he had nothing to do.

He told me he was manic depressive that first night he came over to smoke cigarettes out my apartment window. Turned out his sister, who … Read more »

My Best Friend's Girlfriend

My ex was a highly coveted coworker dating someone else at the time. We had a rushed affair one sloppy night in Manhattan and I bumped into her and her man the next day. And ran. She emailed me soon after, "Next time you plan on hightailing it—don't wear a bright yellow coat."

She was like that. In your face. Soon she broke off with homeboy and I tried to step in—taking her to my pothead uncle's third wedding and trying to get serious on the World Trade … Read more »

The Boston Tear Party

Nothing could top my finding out that a boyfriend of mine who was in Chile for a year had returned and did not contact me upon his arrival to the U.S. It had been a few months since his homecoming and I had learned he was back and actually enjoying a Celtics game at the old "Garden" in Boston.
I proceeded to throw back a couple (hundred) glasses of wine. After the liquid courage, I felt we should probably speak to one another right away. I hailed … Read more »