reoccurring dream

I dreamt about you again last night,
we were sitting on the side of your futon bed,
I said, "we're not going to have this conversation again are we?"
You said things like, "I'm not good enough for you",
and "I need a break."
How do you take a break from four and a half years?

I have these dreams often and wake up afterwards
feeling like someone kicked me in the stomach.
In a way they are the best dreams I have,
because they remind … Read more »

Release Me

Love is the dream that I wish to find, a dream I wish to know. This life that I have lived has not gone without it, but it took me a long time to know that it was there. But the love that I found belonged to the heart of family and the bonds of friendship, and it was not the light that would envelope my heart. And I still dream to find the arms to hold me still, hold me safe.

As these days unfold … Read more »

Knowing she still wants me feels good

Still hearing from her year after year makes me want to lobotomize myself.

She's so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful that you would think I was crazy for leaving her. And if you only knew the experience of touching this woman, of coupling with her, you'd think I was some sort of a masochist for ever wanting to be apart from her. She's wonderful at what she does for a living, and as a barely compensated professional far from home, is still an idealist.

But the girl is unbalanced, … Read more »

my ex

My ex is an abusive man. he would abuse me and hit me and very controlling with me. he use to get mad at me for going out and getting the mail out of the box. he was so jealous that i was not even allowed to watch tv with out him asking who was there. he expected his dinner on the table and hot when he came home but i never knew what time he would be home so i would get thrown. i tried to keep peace with … Read more »

everyone has an ex

Except me.

i'm 18, i'm a girl, i'm tired of my friends telling me the boys are just intimidated, i'm tired of them complimenting me to make me feel better. it just makes me question the things they don't compliment, it makes me question their ability to see me with clear eyes.

if i could have one thing right now, i would want someone to sit down and tell me the honest, no-holds-barred truth: why am i not good enough to be wanted?

at least then i … Read more »

He, the one and only

(I will use the present tense because he is still alive and, of course, still the same.)

When I met him the first time, I was surprised. After discovering him after, little by little, at the end of our journey, I was in total shock. It was hard to accept and find an explanation for reaching the final level of understanding: I knew he was alive, somewhere, but couldn’t believe at all I finally found him. And our encounter ended up in an overwhelming perplexity. Mine, of course, because … Read more »

ex wife

The vengeful ex-wife. Maneater with appetite.

Amoral Dilemma

It was the summer of '73. I was 19, a freshman at McGill University in Montreal. I had joined a student exchange group to meet new people and practice my language skills. And then it happened. Her name was Katrina. She was tall, blonde and Swedish. And like a hot Sahara wind she tore into my safe and boring life and turned it upside down.
We''d met at a campus mixer. I'd seen her across the room, gorgeous long blone hair, a radiant smile that could … Read more »

Dear Him, Love Her

October 4, 2008
Dear him:
Things were supposed to go back to us being friends but they didn’t. And I have to watch you. EVERY DAY. My heart is completely broken. When I first met you you put my heart back in my chest. Now you shatter it. I loved you...
Love, her

October 5, 2008
Dear him:
I cry and cry over you. I wake up screaming. It’s not fair for you to take it all from me. I can’t do this. It hurts too intensely. You … Read more »

October 4, 2008
Dear him:
Things were supposed to go back to us being friends but they didn’t. And I have to watch you. EVERY DAY. My heart is completely broken. When I first met you you put my heart back in my chest. Now you shatter it. I loved you...
Love, her

October 5, 2008
Dear him:
I cry and cry over you. I wake up screaming. It’s not fair for you to take it all from me. I can’t do this. It hurts too intensely. You … Read more »

The Squirrel

I was four years old in the summertime in Atlantic City. That's when I met Lucy Squirrel. I picked her up on the beach and we were in love. Our parents lived in the same apartment building on Ohio Avenue (check your Monopoly board) for the summer. We played and splashed and ran and giggled and laughed all summer and our parents were delighted. When the summer ended there was a hole in my life. I couldn't wait for next summer to see Lucy again.

When our car approached … Read more »

all wisdom arising from needless misery

You're a nice girl, there's nothing wrong with you, everybody (well at least your mom) tells you that you're pretty, yet you're always meeting men who just aren't that into you. Here's why:


My ex didn't have a job, but she had a young child and a closet full of elaborate outfits involving ensembles of short shorts, fishnets and extremely high-heeled shoes. We met in a writing class. When I asked her what she did, at first, she just told me that she worked for her mother. I … Read more »

Glad its over

He still writes songs about how much I hurt him six months later.
He needs to get over it.
I need to stop listening.

What Love Isn't

Maybe the only lesson that life has taught me is the importance of letting go of the things that hurt. Life, however doesn't offer anything like a short course in how, or more significantly how to identify those things that hurt before they start to hurt.

My ex hurt. So much of her identity was wrapped up in that hurt, in the same way that so many of the women I've known have defined their successes in life in relationship to the things they believed they were powerless to … Read more »

Finding Gravity, Touching Down and Ironing out the Irony in a Breakup

I’m tired, cuddled up on my couch in my comforter, and feeling pretty happy when all is said and done. I’m comfortable and getting sleepy… It has only taken me three weeks to get to this point. I feel as though I have landed. Its no doubt breakups can be difficult.
I spent so much time waiting and when the time had come to pass and the relationship ended, I realized there was nothing left to wait for. It seemed as though I’d lost sight of my future. All perception … Read more »

Actions speak better than words.

I don't want to go into the 11 months I wasted, the endless nights he made me cry, the night he stood me up at homecoming.
You can get the idea, he was, frankly, a word I'd rather not put in here.
And the last thing I told him, was I finally let go, and because he was so horrible to me, I was able to move on and get my self esteem back.
So I thank him. Every day, realizing life gets better every day I can move away … Read more »

My ex...

We first met and became friends, and then it became more.

we were together for about 5 minutes then he broke up with me (a bit bi polar dont you think?)

and then like a month later we got back together only cuz he confessed his love for me, we were together for a day (does he know how to use the word love?) and then he broke up with me because he didnt want to date a 13 year old (he's 16) and so i said, you … Read more »

oh please...

You can't hurt me anymore.
I see that you are nervous now if you are around me, though I try to make that as never ever as I possibly can.
I know I was a mess. I know I put you through a hell of a lot. What about your side? The side you never saw. The side you would never admit to. Your righteousness contributed to my blubbering madness. You don't care to see past the tip of … Read more »

Moving on...

I have been hiding under the duvet feeling cold. My feet cold my hair cold my heart cold trembling with my whole being longing for somebody to hold me and tell me it will all be ok. It is raining outside I have been working all week at the movie shoot carrying metallic polls up and down, cleaning after people and serving coffee to actors tired of waiting for their turn. The week is over, the shoot is over the relationship I was trying to preserve in spite the distance, … Read more »

Dreams of Death

He wants full custody of all 5 kids.I'm staring at my divorce attny..numb, paralized. I've never been apart from my kids. For months the battle raged...months of allegations, accusations, hatred and cruelty. Months turned into years..I would like to say I didnt participate in this destructive behaviour but...my only excuse is that if I didnt fight back, he would win and Him winning meant me losing custody of my babies. It was during the first half of the second year of my very lengthy divorce that the dreams began. The … Read more »