My Wild Weekend With Weegee

In the summer of ’63, I’m returning to the states from my last “Cold War” submarine patrol. At the duty free shop in Prestwick, Scotland, I’m allowed to purchase, four Imperial quarts of whiskey. I hit the states and I’m ready to party.
Doc and I leave New London, Connecticut by train, headed for a weekend in Philly, where both of our families live. Doc’s a “lifer” in the navy, and about ten years older than me. He’s from North Philly; I’m from South Philly. He’s black; I’m not. We’ve … Read more »

You know the reason I broke things off between us. I wasn't ready for a relationship, I'm still not. You're out of the closet to everyone, I'm not. I can't. My family is homophobic. Just please know that I still love you. Please.

Coffee Grinds

He said he could read fortunes in coffee grinds . He is my cheating lying ex boyfriend but at the time I didn't know that. It must have been funny to "read" my fortune in the coffee grinds and not tell me that he was sleeping with the fifteen year old neighbor.

Preschool Exes

I had three boyfriends in Orthodox Jewish preschool. Jonathan Berry was my favorite because he had a red convertible car bed. Call me superficial, but I learned early on (from my mother) that a car indicates what's in a man's bank account. The added benefit of being with a Berry was that his mother packed the best Purim baskets, filled with quality Kosher cookies and Israeli chocolate. Plus, I got to ride his huge swing set weekly (this is a literal statement). One day, while … Read more »

What The Hell Is Love?

I’m eight years old, and know one thing for sure: I love my mother.

At twelve, I think I love Jesus.

At fourteen I think I love Maureen, but she likes my best friend.

At sixteen I think I’m in love with Cass, but I’m dating her best friend.

At eighteen I’m just angry. I think no one loves me, and I hate everybody.

At twenty-one, Rosie really loves me, but for almost a year, I’m too drunk to notice that she’s a hooker, and … Read more »

Say it with.....tools?

I was cleaning out my car and I found a tool box I forgot I had.  I never liked this tool box.  The box itself had an awkward clamshell design.  The tools were stored in the top and bottom lids of the box and most of the tools would just fall out when I opened it.  I decided I didn’t want it and I threw it out.
One more thing about this tool box.  It was a gift from my ex-boyfriend. This made the decision to discard it even … Read more »

Divorce + Homosexuality = Best Friends

It all started out so normal; I was a shy girl who met an outgoing boy. Eventually, we married. Over the next ten years, our roles as husband and wife morphed into brother and sister. Inevitably, we divorced.
Then my ex-husband met another outgoing boy. They moved in together. Soon they became neighbors with me and my mom (who was battling stage IV lung cancer).
Eventually, I also met a boy, who thankfully prefers girls.
A few months ago, me, mom, and my new boy celebrated along … Read more »

I Waited for This?

If I’m honest with myself, things weren’t great. If I lie to myself, things were on an upswing. I’d successfully convinced myself that we’d had THE discussion that would keep us moving forward, into the direction that we both wanted to go. The direction I wanted to go?

He was a pilot in the Air Force and he was called to duty more times than I can remember in the span of our four years together. This particular year he spent only 60 … Read more »

Broken

We arrived at the house upstate, just as her friend and his three house guests were about to sit down to dinner, just as the night took over and the surrounding woods came alive with sound.

My head ached the dull constant ache that to me was the pounding incessant emptiness of New York City as we all sat around the table on the back porch at the bottom of a wide stretch of grass, a lone candle flickering in the midst of the food and a bottle … Read more »

Baobabs, Leatherbacks, and You

I am in St Croix for the baobabs.
I know so much about them I sometimes forget that I’ve never seen one in real life. I am dying to see one, to glimpse in person something I’ve been researching for so long. I’ve spent so many hours combing through articles about the tree. Articles about the medicinal uses of its leaves, about the nutritional powder made from crushing the seeds, and of course the insects. That is why I study it, for the insects. The cotton-stainer that breeds on the … Read more »

Not in Custody

Call my ex-housemate Dawson. I’m short but he was shorter. And tinier, bonier, thinner, with an oversized head and eyes. He told me once that he had been born with a tumor pressing on some gland that allows you to grow. That made him small.

He played the theremin like a weirdo and used to hang upside down on a contraption screwed into his door frame. He liked me more than I liked him. I think he would be surprised to know I didn’t really like him. I can … Read more »

Getting Clean

Two days after we broke up I received a package in the mail. It contained the following items:

1. A toothbrush I used a few times at her place.
2. A small sketch I had quickly done to explain stained-glass windows.
3. A ten-dollar coin bank in the shape of a robot.
4. A pen.

I added the contents of this package to the shopping bag of stuff she dropped off for me that held more gifts I had given her like lingerie and a dress. In short, … Read more »

25 Years of Secret Love, Why?

After a 25 year affair with a married man ever on the verge of righting the wrongs and too many nights of his coming to see me with teary apologies, begging me to just hang in there – to give him time to think, to clear his head, to come to a decision - it’s over. It’s Over, capital O over and I can’t care anymore. I can’t care that I was never the Wife, capital W. That I never was the chosen mother of the … Read more »

The Day I Left

The day that I walked into my new apartment, I clutched the keys in my hand, creating small red ridges on my fingers, as if releasing them might make my new home disappear. My Volvo station wagon was still packed to the gills in the driveway, but I had no desire to start hauling my meager possessions up to the second floor - yet. First, I had to go inside and look around. It had only been a few days earlier that I had found it, briefly spending minutes inside … Read more »

Four Years of Crazy

The only reason I can come up with to explain this bizarre relationship is that it was my first opportunity to really let the less-than-nurturing part of my childhood manifest in all its hidden glory.

I can’t even remember how it started. I do remember him running through the halls of high school (as a senior), yelling out my name but purposely mispronouncing it. (At that age, does teasing still mean a he likes you?)

I also remember that two weeks into our quickly and intensely codependent relationship, … Read more »

When Sally Met Harry

I first met Mike freshman year of college and he hated me. Our mutual friend Lisa tried to hook us up but it wasn't happening...

Me: a tall, chain smoking, crazy Israeli girl

Mike: all-American, Norman Rockwell, guitar, small town, shy, with an Oasis ring tone

Sophomore year I apparently saw him and his friend at a party and we played beer pong together. Me and my friend Julie together with Mike and his friend against another team. And I also apparently drunkenly told them to rub … Read more »

Stopping the Cycle

The car comes screeching to a halt. My mom screams at my Dad to get out of the car. An 18-wheeler speeds by to our left, his loud horn makes me jump, hitting my head on the cold metal ceiling of the Toyota. My Dad, in his drunken belligerence, screams incoherently back. I am four years old and sitting in my favorite seat in the car, in between Mom and Dad. He reaches through me as if I’m not there and grabs my mom’s throat. She leans back and hits … Read more »

The Gift

It was August 2001, and she held this 3.5lb, brindle painted, ball of fur, on her lap. We had just picked up our new puppy. My wife and I, of all of 16 months new ourselves, decided that in place of children, we had time to love of a dog. And her new name was Bailey.

We found Bailey, on our first visit to California Pets in Orange County, CA, not too far from home. We made the initial calls and inquiries, in search of … Read more »

Monster

I met him, and he was perfect. Little did I know, he thought so, too. Like the clouds, he changed shape constantly. What started out looking like my knight in shining armor ended up being a monster that overtook my life. Through him, I learned how to hate with all my soul, I learned how it felt to be abused, I learned the pain of being cheated on, over and over again. I made him the center of my universe, and that is exactly what he expected out of me, … Read more »

And So The Story Goes...

I had just ended one relationship and another popped up in its place. Maybe she just happened to be my year long rebound. I met Christina at work and confided to her how bad my relationship with my then girlfriend was becoming. Christina told me I deserved better and I should stand up for myself. Christina; along with my other friends were right. I did deserve better. A few weeks later I broke up with my girlfriend and the next night I met up with Christina. That was the night … Read more »