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First Sight

It's over.

You spot him some hundred feet away. Even though your eyes are weak and your glasses prescription needs changing, you can still see him. It’s almost laughable how many people you've almost mistook for him, because there could never be anyone else who looks like that.

You could turn onto a different sidewalk right now and avoid him completely, it's the faster way back anyway. Your feet carry you past your escape route unfalteringly, and you don't look back. In fact, you don't look anywhere at all.

You've anticipated this moment for months. You've talked about it, dreamed about it, thought out every single look and step and word. The scenario changes every time, because in reality—even in this moment—you have no idea what you will do.

He’s getting closer. Even if you weren't tracking him out of the corner of your eye, you would still know because your heart starts to race and your chest feels too hot and your throat feels too tight. You’re close enough now to hear the essence of his voice, the rise and fall of the words on his tongue and the warmth that seeps into the sounds.

All the moments you spent with him surge into your mind at once, effectively freezing any coherent thought that you might form in its metaphorical tracks. It all feels like too much. It's agony slamming into you at blinding speed. It's longing and sadness making every fiber of your being reach out desperately for any part of him you can grasp. It's relief quietly sighing in contentment because he is finally, finally back near you.

Your feet don't stop. Your eyes don't move.

His shoes are still the same.

He utters a single sound and you hoard it like a priceless gem.

You hurt.

He's gone.


This moment is the first time I saw my ex-boyfriend a few months after a bad break-up. He broke up with me in the beginning of our summer vacation after we had already decided to try long-distance. This moment made me realize that I have not moved on as well as I previously thought I had, but at least this moment is over now (along with the relationship) and I can start trying to move on properly.


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