Catching Up to Myself
"To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace." - General George Washington
After a short but profound debilitating strike against my health several years ago, I found myself floundering through life. Having been a self-proclaimed driven person, getting that sick, so quickly and, without a doubt, life-threatening, I was forced to slow down and rethink what I was doing with my life.
To make matters worse, I, along with 15 other people were laid off due to the recent recession. Depression set in. I didn't know I was depressed. How does one know what state one own mind is in, when the very source of it is one's own mind.
I admit I lost it. It took a lot to admit that to myself. I suppose I will always struggle with that. However there is one thing that I learned from the experience. That being a "Type A" is not my strong point.
Because I was forced to literally stop my life as I knew it, I also began on a trail that would lead me to learning not only learning who I am, but also what I need to make that person happy.
I say "that person" only because I'm learning who that man is, but more importantly learning that I don't have to have and answer right away. That it's okay just to be.
This is how I learned that what I really needed to be, was always there - me. I didn't recognize him at first, and have to admit that to this day, I still am trying to get to know him. I know..."corny...been there done that." However, I suggest that anyone that knows what they need, how to get it, and feel totally satisfied with themselves, check to see if they have a pulse.
Those moments of first hearing about my illness, the treatment, the aftermath, and then the struggle to get past it, have all become one great moment of learning to listen. Not do...but stay still, and listen. No one moment has been ever so crystallized in my memory.
Troubles will occur, however, happily I now know where to take my refuge when all seems dark. In the midst of the fiercest battle for my life, I found peace.
I am a cancer survivor - five years out. Of all of my experiences in my life, nothing prepared me for this one. I was able to not only fight and survive, especially the treatment, which was more deadly than the cancer was at its stage, through many struggles, I learned what real strength of character is. I survived, I have become to appreciate my will to live, not to make a show of this life, but to live it honestly. In the end, I've learned to smile during adversity.