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July 21, 2006

That was the first time I had EVER been scared of my dad.

It started when I was around eight and gradually got worse by age nine. Then the summer after I turned 10, there was no turning back. Thinking about it now, I realize there were signs, but I was either too young to comprehend them, or I was just in denial. but when IT happened... It didn't surprise me as much as I think it could've. 

It was one HOT summer afternoon. Jared, my little brother, and I were just picked up from day camp at our local YMCA, an OUTDOOR camp. We hated it. Most of the counselors were terrible, and we didn't fit in. Or at least, I didn't feel I had fit in. I was the only 10 year old in the 10-13 year old group. There were five girls total in my group, and three of them hated me. They always picked on me for some reason, but that particular day though, they were positively horrid. I can't remember the exact actions or words directed towards me, but I felt awful and wasn't sad about leaving. I hope that sort of justifies my input on the happenings of that day. 

I was just laying on the couch, probably reading a book or something. Jared was in his room playing with his legos and Bionicles. Dad came home and sat on the couch next to me. I hugged him and kissed his cheek. My dad and I were always close. If we went anywhere, I always had to be the one to sit next to him. We went on walks every sunday and just talked about our week. We talked about our days, and I complained about camp as I usually did. My parents didn't really understand the true depth of the bullying going on at camp because I always had some happy story to tell them about something me and the 12 year old named Molly, another victim of the three females. But it slowly ate away at me. Dad's exact words were, and I don't know how I still remember them, "There's only two or so weeks left. Surely you can tough them out? You know I can always talk to the counselors about them?" 

But that's the last thing I wanted him to do because if he did, it'd just get worse. I told him I'd try my best to make it, but it was a promise I didn't have to keep. For the events that happened later that very day, changed my life forever. 

The day continued with my mom and dad deciding that we should go out for dinner. No one could agree on where to go, but we still got into the car. Mom and Dad started to argue over it or some other small petty thing. That's something they always ended up doing. Jared started to make little noises and sounds while playing with his Bionicle. It was just your average day. 
Slowly the racket emanating from my little brother grew more and more annoying, so I put my iShuffle headphones into my ears. Jared seemed to get louder and louder, following in me turning the volume up just enough to drown him out. But after I had the volume on the highest setting and I could STILL hear his little disturbances, I lost my head. I screamed at him, "Shut Up!" My dad started to yell at me along with my mom. Somehow Jared got thrown up into the mix, and we ended up at home. Alone with my dad. We were picking out a can of soup for my dad to cook. My mom went on to somewhere else to eat. She needed sometime to herself. Jared or I must have said something that set him off because the next thing I know, there's a dint in the wall where my dad through the can, and I'm calling my mom to come pick me up because I was scared. 

That was the first time I had EVER been scared of my dad. My mom came and picked us up and we went out to eat. My mom and dad started to argue on the phone, and after she hangs up, she announced that we weren't going home. We were going to stay at a hotel. 
Jared and I were asleep in the one bed in the hotel suite we checked into. Mom was in the other room on the couch. All of a sudden, she busted through the door instructing us to take everything and put

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