The moment I fell out of love
Ears ringing still with the harshness of her voice. Her tone irritating and cold. Its funny the things that really stand out in your memory. I realized I am falling out of love and in that instance I am reminded how useless a love partner is. How much of a pain they always turn out to be, the lies they tell, the hearts they break in their reckless abandonment of reality and total submergence into themselves and their wants.
I thought I had finally found a soulmate but the truth is I had just never been with someone so similar to myself. Just the topical things like movies, music, clothes and nonsense such as that. But after moving across the country to be with her, day by day, she reveals her true self and the more I want to get sick to my stomach. Before her I was finally happy being single and alone. In fact I had come to love being alone, finding other's company to be a bother more than a comfort. But I made that last risk of loving someone, leaving family and friends behind to travel 2800 miles to be with someone I though I knew inside and out. Life hasn't been rainbows and bluebirds and I needed a break from all the rain storms and mudslides. Instead I got the harsh truth that people are all the same, human nature will never surprise me with kindness anymore because you see less and less of that everyday. I realized I will never see love the way I did as an ignorant adolescent daydreamer, before all the truth and reality, before the knowledge of how life really is.
People will try to say, its not all bad, there are good in the bad. Cliches. I have heard it all before, seen it too many times. The thing is, after this last moment of truth, I realized, I just don't care anymore. No one is worth all the pain and suffering. Of all the times I spent trying to please others, I left my own needs and desires in the overcrowded attic of myself. And every time I tried to love someone I was left to sweep up what was left of my heart. So don't read this and thing, "man, this person is jaded." You could not be farther from the truth. Its just I'm not that newborn pup with closed eyes anymore.