My Mexican Stand-Off with God
Needless to say, I lost
I was in a car for over eight hours on my way to a missions trip. The two weeks before a classmate had died, my uncle's cancer returned and two boys drowned in the same pool my brother was in. God had to give me answers before I was going to give hime anything, let alone a week of worship and service. But that ride slowly thawed my heart. It began with a beautiful sunrise that forced me to pause in wonder. The ride was very quite. I was forced to be alone with God. I slept, watched the landscap change out the window and finally asked why; I had refused to even ask before. I kept asking, and he kept answering, but it was never how I expected.
'You know I love you, right?'
'I created everything you see'
'But why did all o f this happen?'
'I suffered a pain worse then death'
'I know, and I appreciate it. But you're not answering me'
'I'm all-powerful, but the world is fallen and I can't change that, not yet, but I will'
'Yes, yes, I know but what does that have to do with what happened?'
It just went on and on like this and I really didn't get anywhere. But I was broken down completely. I still didn't know why all of these terrible things happened, but I realized that i wasn't suppose to know because I am only human. I can't comprehend let alone know the technicalities of the universe which God not only completely understands but also created out of nothing. And he loves us more than anything in the world, even my classmate who died so very young. Needless to say, I lost.
I climbed out of that van no longer angry, just thoughtful and quiet. I had an amazing week serving and worshiping like I had promised not to do. I still have questions, but I know now that maybe I don't really need all the answers, not yet at least.