It Took a Real Person

ex boyfriends chaos

Another bad break-up. How much can a 30-something year old woman take? So much wasted time on losers and potheads!
The Fall of 2008 found me headed on a serious path of destruction. My boyfriend decided to ditch me on our one year anniversary to hang out with his buddies. He seemed to find solace in drinking since his ex best friend was just killed in a drunken motorcycle accident a couple weeks before. We buried him on September 11, 2008.
Eddie did not care about the hurt he put me through, or the sadness that I felt when we buried a 31 year old man. Actually, I'm not so sure that he ever cared about me at all. We had some very kinky sex - toys, ropes, and belts. But is that love? Nope, it's just great sex.
There I was, single again. His heart did not reach out for me. All he worried about was getting his XBox back. He stayed at my house often enough, that he was practically living there. Once we made the unfair exchange of belongings it was over. I deleted him as a MySpace friend, and with that action I heard from him once more. A MySpace e-mail stating how sorry he was for our split was all that I received. I read it, and deleted it by the next day.
It is a small world though. My drinking and drugging span out of control; unfortunately I would see him at the local bars. It became difficult to go out without running into him or his buddies. My shot intake was so out of control; I don't recall the rides home. On Halloween I decided to go for a few drinks at the local watering hole. I had a trip planned the next morning with two of my best guy friends - Alice Cooper in Atlantic City, so perfect for the season. Well Eddie's buddies kept buying me shots of tequila which slowly inpaired me. I ended up staying until closing and wrecking my car wheel. I vaguely remember pulling off the road to see a flat tire. I was loaded and scared. Somehow I made it home, and do not remember anything else, except maybe crying my eyes out. Drugs and liquor do that to you. I had felt so alone and depressed on a night that had started out with me being so excited about the next day's trip.
The next mroning I called my buddies to tell them about my wrecked tire (and hangover!). They pulled through and helped me. My one friend had to drive his piece of crap truck to AC; but thank God for friends. They saved the day.
This downhill spiral continued until early December. By this time, I was hanging with two ex-boyfriends that both had previously broke my heart (and even having sex with one on occasion). I felt like a two-timing slut; but it helped me through my loneliness. I still cried every evening I was alone.
Then one day I joined a free online dating site. I had signed up for two popular pay sites, but refused to pay. They limited what I saw. The free site was very busy. I was clicking around on guys, getting immediate messages, and.. to make a long story short.. met a great guy. I saw the punky red hair and clicked on his picture (I thought it was WWE wrestler Jeff Hardy at first). I read his profile info, realized it was "another band guy" and closed it up. Immediatley after he sent me an intro message. We started messaging until the evening we finally met. We met at a TGIF and had a fun five hour evening together.
Fearing men, relationships, and being hurt again, I still held onto the ex's and kind of blew off this great guy. But he didn't let me slip away. He persistently messaged me and text or called me. We met again to go to a rock concert, had our first kiss, and basically.. to make him disappear from the lo the rest is history. I ditched the ex that had broken my heart four years prior, remained friends with the other ex, and paraded the new man off in front of Eddie enough to make him disappear from the local bar scene that almost killed me. I couldn't find a reason to do drugs anymore, and looked forward to a future with the man that saved my life.