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A Not So Happy Birthday

My fiance had to keep me from collapsing as I was screaming when I saw him lying there in the casket.

It was just before 7am on a Sunday morning. My fiance had just turned 28 and we were beginning our recovery from the party the night before.

The phone rang.
I was the only one who woke up so I rolled over and answered the phone.
It was one of our best friends.
Him, "Cosmo was in a car accident last night"
Me, "He's alright though right?"
Him, "No. He didn't make it"
Me, "What?!"
(I started sobbing and my fiance woke up. He told me after he thought it was someone from my family that was in the hospital or hurt.)
Him, "Cosmo died"
Him, "I'm on my way to the hospital to see his family. I'll call you later"

I had to turn to my fiance and tell him that his best friend of over 10 years (and mine of 2) had passed away.

Planning his funeral with his mom and siblings was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. You don't want to have to sit there talking about who is going to say eulogys and what he's going to wear. I kept thinking, "He's not supposed to be dead, why are we planning this?"

At the visitation the next day, I absolutely lost it. My fiance had to keep me from collapsing as I was screaming when I saw him lying there in the casket. Everything from that moment on seemed too real. Until then it had just seemed like a bad nightmare that I hadn't worken up from yet.

The hardest part is when his mom walked over to me and gave me a hug and said "He looks good doesn't he?"

He did look good. For being in a truck that rolled and hit a tree, killed on impact, he only had a few scratches on his face. Thats it. How was he dead if he didn't even look it?

Cosmo was one of three people in the truck. He was the only one wearing his seatbelt.
The other passanger spent months in the ICU recovering and the driver, who later turned himself in to police for driving while intoxicated, walked out of the hospital the next morning with a broken arm.

He stole our best friend. A father. A son. A brother... because he was too stupid to hand over the keys.

I still remember sitting at the party, waiting for Cosmo to show up. My fiance turned to me almost the exact minute that the accident happened and said "I wonder where Cosmo is, its not like him to not show up." and me replying, "I'm sure he's got a good reason,"

That comment still haunts me to this day.

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