Six Word Memoirs on Life Stories

Dragonflower says,

I had a friend once who rarely smiled. He used to tell me he was smiling on the inside.

unknown116 says,

I've known people like that. But I was referring to the guy I'm interested in. He doesn't feel comfortable feeling many emotions, so all of his smiles are sort of foggy. Except on the rarety when I get to see the change. After a few hours of spending time together he lets himself put down his wall and he starts to feel. It's a beautiful sight. And his smile is glorious.

Dragonflower says,

Yes. My "friend" was actually someone I was interested in too. And he was like how you described your guy. Whenever he would really smile, it touched my heart so deeply. It is what has made it so difficult to let him go. Because I know he has feelings inside and I knew he didn't let many people see them, so I felt special. You are probably very special to him, to make him smile.

unknown116 says,

Why should you let him go? And thank you for saying that. It feels so magically when we are together. The relationships I've been in have never made me feel this happy and so at peace.

Dragonflower says,

A very good question--why should I let him go? I ask myself that every day. I think I need to hear out loud that someone loves me and cherishes me. But sometimes the ones who talk all the time, don't mean the love as much as the quiet ones. IDK. This is a big puzzler for me. I'm just not sure if it is the real deal love--something I've never had, or just something dysfunctional, with me putting up with his non-expressive ways....I'm trying to give it time so I can sort it out. You've given me something to think about. The truth is, like you stated, when he and I are together, just being, it is the most peaceful and safe I have ever felt in my life. Then......I want to chat and talk and express and ......see what I mean? Thanks for your insight.

unknown116 says,

Sounds like we are in the same boat. Now you've given me something to think about. I feel as though we are falling in love, but at the same time I think he is too concerned with himself to care. He doesn't like to admit to emotions, but for once I just want to hear him say them. Maybe then we can actually have a functional relationship. Rather than me give all and him give half.
The saddest part of all of this is that he isn't aware any of it is going on. He knows he doesn't want to lose me, but wanting something and fighting for it are two different things. I guess all I can do is be patient for as long as I can.

Dragonflower says,

Yes, exactly. I was patient for a long time. Sometimes I'd feel incredibly sad when friends/co-workers, etc. would get attention from their loved one. The most disappointing for me was on my birthdays. Every year he would remember it and bring me something he took a long time to select. Then he wouldn't stay. He barely would take his coat off (I'm born at Christmas so its cold--but my house is warm!!) It was like he put all his emotional energy into just giving me the present. I appreciated the gesture and tried to "read" alot into it, but the sad fact is, I spent every birthday alone (with my present!) Except--I knew how hard he tried and that meant something to me so I came to not expect his company on my bday and celebrated with others. Not the best scenario, but it worked for us.

You are so right that he wasn't aware of how it was affecting me--at least not enough to change a little to make me happier. That's why your memoir said so much--I would take great notice of any little thing he did because I wanted/needed so much more. When I felt strong, I found him endearing. When I was more needy (normal needy) then I felt frustrated by his lack of response. I wanted to be the strong one all the time, but life isn't like that and that's why we want partners in life--to buoy us up when needed. Others reasons, of course, but a true partnership is closer in its percentage of giving/taking. A 80/20 split was too much for me after a while. What I can say now that I didn't see then, was that he needed ALOT of time to process something I was complaining about. I didn't appreciate that enough about him and would become impatient for a resolution. That just pushed him away further and made me more unhappy. Loving someone like this takes perseverance. That's my dilemma right now. Do I cut and run and try to find an easier partner--or invest many more years and hope that I'm right that he's worth it.

If I could do some of it over again, I would just communicate my feelings more and then back off. My intense love for him demanded too much from him, I believe. I needed to keep it more under wraps for him to absorb it. My best wishes to you.

unknown116 says,

Love is hard, and the one's we love shouldn't make it harder. Love is not selfish.
My best of wishes to you as well Autumn.