This Is All Nellie's Fault

Nellie insists on walking around on al fours, will not wear any clothes and is more likely to bellow and low than she is to speak plain English.

Nellie is covered with glossy black fur and weighs nearly half a ton. She insists on walking around on all fours, will not wear any clothes, and is more likely to bellow and low than she is to speak plain English. It's a good thing that Nellie is a milk cow, or we might be seriously worried about her.

It's thanks to Nellie Cow that the inside of our fridge looks this way; filled front to back with jugs of fresh, whole, raw milk. We would sell it, but the government won't let us. We would feed it to the dogs and cats, but they've already had so much, none of them will touch the stuff. It seems a shame to just pour it out when it's perfectly good food.

Cleopatra bathed in ass's milk as a beauty treatment. I'm seriously considering taking a bath in the stuff, too. There certainly is enough of it.

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