About Alessandra_Rizzotti
If you were to throw up your hands in exasperation and yell "it's the story of my life," what would you be talking about?
i'm from LA. celebrity culture never fazed me. i was a child model, got fat, then decided to work the business. i do standup for moral support. masochistic, i know. you can find me producing plays/events/videos as well as making video art from time to time.
graduated Magna Cum Laude from USC in Film and Social Work.
Besides SMITH, I read stories at:
Vice Magazine, Heeb Magazine, The New Yorker, This American Life, Ted.com
In bed I like to read:
Short Stories and Poetry....Sedaris, Safran Foyer
My favorite story of all time is:
People of Paper
Right now, I'm reading:
100 Years of Solitude
My Stories
- unemployed. more than twenty-seven weeks now.
- my synapses tell me i'm lost.
- career goal: go to dinosaur camp.
- move in, move away, live alone.
- moving means taking clothes outside closet.
- what am i supposed to DO????
- smothered by lover. wanting one other.
- have a love-hate relationship with "internet"
- swimming, daydreaming, or grad school?
- studying brain development. mine's still growing.
- secret ingredients: honey, cinnamon, and salsa.
- unproductive in or out an office.
- dinner incomplete without you across me.
- divorcing the internet. sign here____. thanks.
- haven't figured it (me) out yet.
- he drew us in the sand.
- mcdonald's. first date. ROMANCE.
- i'm turtle. he's rabbit. it's lovely.
- laid off. free to be me.
- moving to NY without any blessings.
- 13 year-old cousin re-did my myspace.
- my fifteen year-old neighbor was wiccan.
- homeless drunk ruined my paris trip.
- he said "i<3u." i said ok.
- your lips magnetic to my heart.
- i respond to Craiglist's missed connections.
- it's lonely sitting next to you.
- i'm a chameleon. friends are plenty.
- why would you ever love me?
- hate this interweb of disconnected "connections"
- you don't know me. stop trying.
- attract cylon enthusiasts and too-old-for-me comedians.
- not taking the backseat this time.
- insomnia doesn't help a work day.
- cancelled membership to Curves. too expensive.
- cuddling seems too weird right now.
- 1)conscious decisions. 2)effective actions. 3)change.
- appreciate. say thank you. now do.
- inaugurate we people. not one man.
- meditation won't cure my panic attacks
- spent $100 on a master cleanse.
- lonely because i want to be.
- goodbye, Los Angeles. forget i linger.
- forgot how to cuddle. teach me?
- committed to my veggie oil conversion.
- "real world" obama? hawaii or DC?
- middle school- played trombone. nickname: tromboner.
- he had facial piercings. i, nothing.
- ann coulter, michelle obama has CLASS.
- this is different. this is grown-up.
- obama might have a reality show.
- cradled him warm, in my cold.
- he is here for a reason.
- friendship makes me love him more.
- we are more than this idea.
- asked for her name. not mine.
- danced on freeway for ironic freedom.
- his cold feet. my cold hands.
- comedian wrecked my car. not funny.
- his unitard made my heart explode.
- this obama omellete rocks my socks.
- I want to Skype you, Obama.
- the change hasn't happened for gays.
- surprise the world with less repetition.
- take my donations. now take action.
- my cerebric dermititis is not attractive.
- my deviated septum is a problem
- crushed on the first trombone player.
- having a mid-life crisis at 20.
- i want to be a comedian.
- sailed a ship through my heart.
- made a heart of elbow noodles.
- i lack lettuce in my diet.
- i started unplugging my unused energy.
- neckbrace off and i'm craving attention.
- we're not going to play together.
- fake barf is made of oatmeal.
- was supposed to go to NY.
- lonely comedian. the "lonely" just understood.
- eyes puffed from realizing he's gone.
- i'm sick because i want him.
- he liked my fake teeth somehow.
- fell off a cliff. now "famous."
- lived with paramount chiefs in ghana.
- he was ok with my dentures.
- bananas should taste more like plantains.
- hitting mental puberty at age 23.
- it's the best feeling 13 again.
- cotton candy ate my teeth away.
- 15 coca colas instead of whiskey.
- preschool wouldn't let me write left-handed.
- the ATM machine ate my identity.
- choosing between the TV-watcher or TV-dinner.
- la native. haven't tried PINK's yet.
- in preschool i was "most popular".
- can't drive due to medical issues.
- It Took a Fall Off a Cliff to Get Me Here
- "my little pony" ruled my universe.
- grandma's baked apples were the bomb.com
- i was a celebrity in ghana.
- mom dated a gold corvette-driving anorexic.
- I'm a Q-lister
- silence makes me want to break.
- had conversations with god about bacon.
- did gymnastics to gain mental flexibility.
- doing handstands to keep me awake.
- preschooler waved poop-on-a-stick at my face.
- makes me think of heart attacks.
- we made it in the photobooth.
- saves food like it's the depression.
- i challenge you to pho me.
- child actor. got fat. what now?
- mom gave the cat to FEDEX.
- who takes a girl to KOOKOOROO?
- waiting for comfort, passion, and wit.
- my halloween costume=very scary sunflower.
- my mom married her best rebound.
- give myself one day for donuts.
- best halloween=mom scared us to sleep.
- spoke spanish age 8. now lost.
- born blue. chord wrapped around neck.
- dad gave dead bugs as presents.
- failed the gifted and talented test.
- my ex's brother stole my best-friend.
- friends cook dinner on a hotplate.
- how many licks will it take?
- not a lesbian. but love one.
- butter butter butter. syrup butter syrup!
- remember popems?...best donut holes ever.
- ethiopian makes my stomach feel exotic.
- dinner served on china=better dinner.
- those energy-saving lightbulbs work magical wonders.
- we work better as writing partners.
- electric conversions are looking more appealing.
- vegetable oil runs my lavender mercedes.
- leavened matzah. much better than matzah.
- i'm too smart to give in.
- he said i was too afraid.
- don't have the time for whackos.
- stayed over- fell for his shirt.
- it's not you. it's the garlic.
- give me some fries with sass.
- i'd rather love women right now.
- i hate wondering where he is.
- feta+watermelon remind me of him.
- tofurky sausage is better than sausage.
- chopsticks scare me. i prefer spoons.
- california fusion is really just californian.
- mother just knows meat and potatoes.
- escaping my feelings doesn't help us.
- always cared about the higher-ups' thoughts.
- i'm doing standup in my neckbrace.
- my mother lacks a funny bone.
- i google words for my occupation.
- dinner: top ramen dressed up fancy.
- i'm telling myself he's escaping himself.
- algebra rocked. spelling made me anxious.
- applied twice for gifted/talented education program.
- memorized history book in fifth grade.
- cinderella crashed my sixth birthday party.
- childhood birthdays involved whirly the clown.
- looked for fame the wrong way.
- always think i'm wasting my time.
- met him in an airstream trailer.
- don't give your cherry up quick.
- masochistically auditioned for the gong show.
- how do you get a boyfriend?
- he loved doing comedy. not me.
- got more game in my neckbrace.
- posed with fleetwood mac in rollingstone.
- father travelled in a VW bus.
- mom reminds me to take vitamins.
- my drama friends called me lucy.
- birth control made me go insane.
- anthony hopkins winked at me backstage.
- kevin eubanks thought i was funny.
- SNL's drunk girl is my friend.
- ellen degeneres liked my dance moves.
- gracefully let down hopelessly devoted men.
- thought film was a practical industry.
- older men fulfill my father's absence.
- that God guy must be invisible.
- awkward glances. two word exchanges. crushed.
- emailed love letters. does that count?
- i don't wax for just anyone.
- said sorry and it's not better.
- breakfast doesn't come with his visit.
- the roof leaked onto our love.
- i want something better than you.
- is there a trick to kissing?
- dreamt love existed. we were. again.
- 24,900 google hits of my name.
- wish i didn't exist on internet.
- idiot2.0 told me my standup sucked.
- haven't made it yet. still hoping.
- get depressed at work. took leave-of-absence.
- self-worth based on my internet publishings.
- stop caring about the internet, alessandra!
- wore a neckbrace. in the summer.
- grew up with a sad mom.
- bonded over paintbrushes. kissed over counter.
- dated his friends. still loved him.
- i <3 the first trombone player.
- can't trust guys who love me.
- i'm what's comfortable for the lonely.
- passionate summer ended in depressing winter.
- he kissed me. i fucked another.
- met him once. regretfully dated another.
- want to call. won't do it.
- don't think we're gonna make it.
- still jazzed by the old man.
- please take someone else. not interested.
- sailing away on nothing but hope.
- we were comedy and nothing else.
- we were football and band practice.
- we were caffeinated coffee shops.
- he just graduated. maybe too young?
- simple delight: flour, sugar, lemon. mix.
- wine and friends. add sugar, mix.
- chocolate, tea, beach. anything but man.
- child star. in blood sport 2.
- lost my glasses at a bar.
- wore hats to cover my mullet.
- plan: make art. studied Islam instead.
- if you want me, tell me.
- getting pudgy. how do i deflate?
- top ramen: lunch, dinner, tasty treat.
- he's ignoring me. what the fuck?
- rich men can be unappealing sometimes.
- why can't i like a doctor?
- they called me pizza face. everyday.
- want to freelance. work in corporate.
- met him with garlic breath. great.
- ordered me icecream, hoping i'd come.
- dates never involved eating. just sex.
- can't tell him it's not love.
- he said he'd be there. wasn't.
- wish i liked him that way.
- want to see him as more.
- want to nibble his ear lobes.
- want to rip his heart out.
- want a man that's driven. clean.
- on my way to successful living.
- wish you liked me years ago.
- you're not on my mind. sorry.
- you were my "missed-connection" on craigslist.
- his name's unknown. but, he's mine.
- last night, i met "the one."
- posted on craigslist: we've met twice...
- i ran into him randomnly. twice.
- he's on jenny craig. i'm not.
- not pleased with how it's going.
- craving sausages. is it the shape?
- don't know how to love anymore.
- broken promises wreck my heart up.
- I'll Grow Up and Find it Then
- i booked disney films. declined invitation.
- i'll never marry unless there's reason.
- i have hearts in different places.
- can't love the way he does.
- don't trust the way he loves.
- he told me "i<3u" via ichat.
- structured guys are hard to find.
- he's on jenny craig. i'm not.
- risked my neck for good times.
- mother pushed me away. never ends.
- wanting the unattainable should be easier.
- how do i say, "you're cool"?
- i WANT to like his cooking.
- eat at odd hours. why schedule?
- he dates her. i say, "cool!"
- grow up, then see me. thanks.
- won't date until i get confidence.
- can we dance? now is good.
- i told him, "the celtics suck."
- something is wrong with HIS tastebuds.
- made him salmon. he didn't care.
- baskin robbins. breakfast. dinner. dessert. yes.
- why let my accident stop me?
- producing movies. gladly. in my neckbrace.
- ten years. he's still a mystery.
- i make awesome pancakes. with him.
- he kissed my neckbrace. that's love.
- i want a nerd. so bad.
- NOW he wants me. too bad.
- kraft service table. my meal. daily.
- let him play. he'll come back.
- why not like me? i'm cool.
- want to make people laugh. why?
- want to settle brain. not love-life.
- diners= food for lonely, sad me.
- how do you share chocolate cake?
- forget to eat. forget to exercise.
- danger. don't cross. rocks await. ahhh!
- i like dark hair and dorks.
- i like people with squinty eyes.
- sweet and sour sauce on everything.
- bowl of cereal= my day ready.
- want to make love over tea.
- he tried touching. i tried leaving.
- let him go, brought him back.
- ihustle. iflow. iget. what i want.
- late bloomer. the experiments were life-changing.
- he liked bacon. i liked salad.
- spinach. not iceberg. get it right.
- sandwich wrap. was it a date?
- mmm. pepper. sprinkle it on me.
- raspberry. chocolate. cream. that's a woo.
- the good one is far away.
- i attract the incompatible. with confidence.
- joke about dating. because i don't.
- i can taste the oil. gross.
- trader joe's across the street?! yes!
- my cat's throwing up everywhere. gah!
- better as writing partners. fight otherwise.
- birthday gifts: three red velvet cakes.
- eat pho and think of him.
- i had three boyfriends in preschool.
- they date me, then find girlfriends.
- someone stole my baby footprint. why?
- learned how to listen in africa.
- they call me cupcake at work.
- want something more than video chat.
- loved his cousin more than him.
- polyamorous. monogamous. single. married. divorced. which?
- if he plays, so do i.
- had a plan to be big.
- done with dating. want his comfort.
- wish i understood his mother. because...
- miss the country more than him.
- i'm less exciting than pizza toppings.
- i do nothing amazing. not yet.
- want more attention than normal people.
- still play board games. with myself.
- hello. i'm awkward. what's your name?
- aspire to be: silly old lady.
- more active than my injury allows.
- fearful of staying inside my house.
- never again will he say hello.
- haven't held someone in two years.
- pudding. great for finger painting. sometimes.
- food on face. not the plate.
- dates never involved food. only coffee.
- when i move, i'll find myself.
- i'd rather be a fearful vagabond.
- when does it make sense? now?
- mint jelly on my dinner. fancy.
- soon we'll be having dinner virtually.
- cupcakes. bringing friends together. on facebook.
- greek yogurt. honey. better than tantra.
- remember to visit fridge. must eat.
- i talk too much about myself.
- i don't read. i feel stupid.
- only know my dad through pictures.
- our conversations involve one word answers.
- saw him with that girl. err.
- butt's sore from sitting at computer.
- not satisfied. will work harder tomorrow.
- i'm always searching for something better.
- i wish i was peter pan.
- i can't eat my mom's brisket.
- i met his family. bad decision.
- everyone is cuddling. why can't I?
- wore myself out. can't love anymore.
- he acted like he loved me.
- i am lonely. so is he.
- i like diners. even the smell.
- i liked art. he liked football.
- i do standup in my neckbrace.
- i eat at 1 am. tuesdays.
- i dated comedians. then tried laughing.
- had plans to move. until accident.
- he was an idea. nothing solid.
- built outer-space in fifth grade. really.
- need constant massage. fell off cliff.
- mom scared my boyfriend away...again.
- forgot how to date. tell me?
- live in beverly hills. not rich.
- aunt lives in mansion. not me.
- text message said: thinking of you.
- 8 months. never had an orgasm.
- sex without breakfast. should have known.
- his girlfriend saw my myspace. sorry?
- social chameleon. very advantageous, sometimes dangerous..
- this MASH game better work wonders.
- my life's in boxes. check garage.
- open books don't make good dates.
- they never told me not to.
- date-question: are dumplings from your country?
- coffee, my vice. so was he.
- don't eat popsicles. you'll have nightmares.
- dressed up as Madonna age five.
- stop yelling. it will be ok.
- child model. got fat. what now?
- a hippyfest stole my lover away.
- never liked nice guys. still loveless.
- fell off cliff. somehow getting luckier.
- God and Bacon
- i was stubborn. thank you. sorry.
- my body escapes when we kiss.
