I Schooled Justin Timberlake

So I put my hand on his on the microphone and said, "Here, baby, this is how you do it," and turned it on for him.

I used to be a DJ.

In December of 2000, I was hired for a party for the staff of the San Diego Sports Arena. My boss explained to me that I would have to be escorted by security to the backstage area, because *NSYNC was playing a show there that night.

Upon arrival, as I started sorting out what wires hook into what amp, a gentleman wearing a walkie-talkie holster strolled up to me and introduced himself authoritatively as Ralph. "Do you know what's going on here tonight?" Ralph asked me. "Yes," I replied, "it's a party for the staff and some of the crew." Ralph responded, "And the band will probably be here, too."

Shortly thereafter, I discovered that my bladder had been begging to be emptied for about 20 minutes. I put on a good four-minute song to give myself time and headed down off the stage. I walked past the bar and saw...JC Chasez.

After returning from the bathroom, I don't remember the exact sequence of events, but here's a list of what happened:

• Lance Bass was salsa-dancing or something with a woman on the dance floor.

• Chris Kirkpatrick in a Santa suit was breakdancing and then approached me about my metal selection.

• JC got pretty drunk.

• Joey Fatone got on the floor with the mic and was giving away Christmas presents (i.e., large inflatable penises and anal lube and the like) to the crew and staff.

• The band got up on the stage next to me (to use my mic). Justin stood just to my left. He looked at my CD book, pointed to a Backstreet Boys song, and said, "Don't play that."

Later, Justin came up onto my stage again, asked to use my mic, and proceeded to speak into it even though it wasn't not live. So I put my hand on his on the microphone and said, "Here, baby, this is how you do it," and turned it on for him.

He continued: "Hey, everybody! If you see her at the bar, say hi or get her a drink or something, because you know, it's Britney's birthday today!" I looked down, and standing not three feet in front of me was Britney Spears.

Anyway, the rest of the night is a bit of a blur, except for when I actually did play a Backstreet Boys song in defiance. Some guy came running up and apologized for me on the mic, saying I didn't know not to play BB. Oh, I knew. Justin Timberlake had told me not to.