My Favorite Flava

January 2011. One month before the earthquake that was about to change EVERYTHING, I had one of the best experiences of my life. A very good friend from Canada was visiting me in Christchurch and we decided to grab some tickets for the Public Enemy concert that was randomly about to happen (Christchurch is super white and ultra conservative, so it really was bizarre that they were touring there). I put on my "lucky" green earrings and we hit the town: first, champagne and dinner at the Bike Thief and then 80s old school rap at the St James Theatre.The concert started and it was perfect. Chuck D and Flava Flav were on form, they sounded amazing and they even brought their army of military style dancers on tour with them, We were really close to the stage and Flava kept catching my eye. At first I though it was just a coincidence, but then he put his hand out to touch me and he gave me his sweaty towel (how thoughtful!) Everyone around us was like, dude he is SO into you and I started to believe it. When the show was over, Karin and I turned to make our exit and there was this rather large security guard in front of us, Flava Flav wants to meet you is all he said and we followed him laughing and shrieking all the way backstage. We waiting in this sad little waiting room with horrendous fluorescent lighting - we couldn't stop laughing and we weren't even that drunk. Next, Flava comes through the door, wearing his clock, and he's all "I just had to meet you, you're the most beautiful girl in the place tonight and your smile is amazing". Well, thank YOU Mr.Flav! I was grinning like a chimp. So he invites us to his penthouse hotel room at the Novotel and we jump at the chance. We get there and there are empty KFC boxes littering this beautiful suite. He takes off his clock and we go outside to smoke some killer weed that he must have smuggled into the country as there wasn't much of anything left in Christchurch. We ger back in and he takes off his clock and his shirt and we just start talking about life and all the KFC packets. Flav grabs his I phone and reveals that he is about to open a chain of fried chicken stores in the states, but I am so high I can't believe him. SERIOUSLY? What does a pivotal rapper know about running a fried chicken business? And what's he doing re-con in New Zealand for? He preaches to us for a good hour about how the flavour should be in the chicken and NOT the skin. At some point we get bored and bid him farewell. He seemed disappointed to not get the threesome he was probably counting on. Alas, he did not find true love in New Zealand with a runaway Canadian.


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