"I Love All My Little Monsters"

She walked up to me. I'll call her L-Boogie. "Do you love Lady Gaga?" she asked.

I've never been so broke, tired, hungry, and lonely in all my life. I've also never felt so fabulous. Being in New York City has this way of bringing out one's deepest insecurities and the most extreme delusions of grandeur. Lady Gaga said it best: "I used to walk down the streets of New York City every day like I was a fucking star."

I got a taste of Gaga's "The Fame" by way of God, vanity and, poverty. Since I've been in the city, vanity led me to promotional modeling. Poverty has forced me to be a baller on a budget. God clearly thought I was special the night of July 9, 2010.

While I was working outside Madison Square Garden as a Virgin Mobile spokesmodel for the Gaga Tour, a woman in a black lace dress walked up to me and stared at me with glassy eyes of wonder. With her were two blond girls in Louboutins who were clearly more gorgeous than any human being I'd ever seen, which must mean that they were important.

They happened to be a sister duo that had just signed to Interscope Records, Lady Gaga's label.

The mysterious woman with them had given birth to these glamazons. I broke. "Y'all are fierce!" I yelled as they took photographs with my gorgeous coworkers.

She walked up to me. I'll call her L-Boogie. "Do you love Lady Gaga?" she asked.

"Fuck yes, I do," I said, neglecting professionalism. "Do you love the Lord?" she asked. She peered into my eyes.

I've been sinning for forever. Uncertain of how to answer, but curious, I said, "Yeah."

She handed me tickets--to the third row of Madison Square Garden. And I kid you not, Gaga's vagina was practically in my face.

And "The Fame" came to life right in front of me. Saying yes to the God questions earned me a cathartic, religious experience. I must have blacked out and been transported by angels after her final song, "Bad Romance," because I was somehow in the green room.

Lady Gaga, sweating, smiling, and oddly, transgenderedly beautiful, was circling the room hugging everyone. She came up to me, and looked me in my face.

"I just want you to know," she said while gripping me in a tight embrace, surprising for her tiny frame, "that you are so, so special. I love all my little monsters."

I descended into heaven.


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