I was in the pet store today, buying two bags of birdseed–one of black-oil sunflower, one of mixed. Our avian visitors don’t seem to prefer one or the other, but I like to give them a choice.

As I went to check out, the guy in front of me kept ducking out of line and then back in, as if he couldn’t remember what he was there for. As we got close to the register, next to the Greenies and pig ears and canine breath films, I watched him pocket a candy bar made for humans. I thought about saying something, until I saw what he’d brought for purchase: a half dozen mini cans of tuna made for cats. The cashier turned away and waved his hand in front of his nose, and when the guy turned around I could smell him, too.

I could also see his face, as red as a radish, and his bloody eyes, and figured quickly that the food (both the candy and the tuna) was for him. It’s probably the only solid stuff he’ll ingest for the next few days.

So.

my crime-witnessing
+ my righteousness
x the guy’s public drunkenness
/ the cashier’s sales-class disdain
(over) the guy’s likely pet-food eating

=

what, exactly?

Bonus Question 1: Is this algebra or trig?

Bonus Question 2: Are you sure the birds have no preference?