Almost Famous: Bill O’Reilly Never Harassed Me. Damn.

October 17th, 2005 by Tim

Kathy Ritchie, an associate producer at The O'Reilly Factor from February 03 to July 03, is now attempting to be her own boss; she’s a struggling freelance writer who is sometimes mistaken for Angelina Jolie.

This is a true story about an unfortunate, unpleasant, unappetizing event that should have happened to me. And I’m pissed.

I spent six long months at The O’Reilly Factor as an associate producer, and during that time Bill O’Reilly – my ex-boss and the only man who could single handedly turn the falafel into a sex toy – never once pinched my ass.

You can’t blame me for being pissed off. Let’s be serious, if you placed my image next to his ever-somber accuser, Andrea Mackris’, well, I’d win hands down. It’s not arrogance, it’s a fact: I’m way prettier than she is; yet Bill never once, in a loving way, of course, advised me to use a vibrator to relieve my work-related stress. I even shared an elevator with the Man and not once did he cop a feel or make a sexy comment, like, “I want to cover you in hummus.” What a dick.

I remember the morning the scandal broke on every cable and local news channel. The victim’s name still hadn’t been released. Cold shock. A colleague stopped by my desk to see if I had any idea as to who the alleged victim was. I ran down the names of possibilities. Still shell shocked. After all, Bill was (and by all appearances still is) a holier-than-thou super newscaster who loves pissing on anyone whose ideas or opinions run contrary to his.

Mackris was never on my radar. I even spent time pondering which male employee might have fallen prey to Bill’s seductive charms – don’t tell me Tahini slathered onto some dude’s testicles isn’t hot – that is until Reuters finally announced the alleged victim’s name: Andrea Mackris. My first thought? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Mackris did have a couple of things going for her: she was confident and she was actually kind of cool. This is likely what caught the Man’s attention in the first place, since I doubt it was her looks. Now I know, this was probably the most difficult time in her life, surely causing her deep anguish and plenty of embarrassment. Never mind the fact that this girl stayed on the job despite a hostile work environment, then left for a brief stint at CNN, only to return to The O’Reilly Factor, apparently, after no one at CNN attempted to woo her with Middle Eastern cuisine; that and the fact that FOX matched the whopping $93,200 CNN was clearly suckered into paying her – not too shabby for an associate producer. Believe me.

Still, day in and day out, I live with the fact that Bill never once hit on me. What does that say about me! Am I not good enough for you? Is my Arizona State University journalism degree not impressive enough for you? Do you only fantasize about the Women of the Ivy League?

To make matters worse for me – the hot one – the pain is always rehashed during just about every job interview. If the simple fact that I worked at what was once one of the hottest shows on cable didn’t get my foot in any sort of door, I’d remove it and replace it with my first job ever – a movie theatre concession stand operator.

Interviewer: “Thanks for coming in. The position entails blah, blah, blah and blah.”

Me: “It sounds fantastic. Very challenging. Blah, blah and blah?”

Interviewer: “Naturally. By the way, did you know Andrea Mackris?”

Me: “Yes I did.”

Interviewer: “That’s so crazy. Do you think O’Reilly did it?”

Me: “No idea. Anything is certainly possible.”

Interviewer: “Did he ever try anything with you?”

Me: “Um, no. So did you say the salary is negotiable?”

I should record these conversations and sue for creating such a hostile interviewing environment.

My beef, ultimately, is about equal rights for the pretty people. If you’re a man or woman with a certain amount of power, you should at least have the courtesy to treat all of your young nubile employees the same lousy way. I’m not looking for $60 million, but $60K to pay of my student loans would be a good start.

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